The 4th act of betrayal( my deepest wounds)

Well drama galore after what seemed like an act of betrayal from me, needless to say that was the beginning of a battle between Oyinda and i. she seemed to act maturely bout it considering she stopped talking to me and Ruky also joined in and that’s how our friendship ended believe me a lot of drama went on but I don’t want to bore you with the details. Bitchy mirage!

Well since I had lost my friends I decided to go ahead and date Nonsu, thot shouldn't lose everything habi. Nonsu and I had a wonderful relationship he was so sweet and kind and gave me all the attention in the world we were everywhere on campus together for some reasons I was a bit scared bout having sex with him with the fear that he might do to me what he did to Oyinda, so we didn’t have sex for a while but did everything else but that was short lived obviously considering I had a weakness to such matters, during one of our numerous outings to town we had sex and it was passionate and so so so different from my previous encounters I did notice nonsu had long, bent and thin manhood though but that didn’t stop the action but to be honest my expectations were quite high going by what Oyinda had said bout him being a stud.

That aside we got closer by the day and I thot nonsu was the man though to be honest I noticed he all of a sudden didn’t like public display of affection anymore he started withdrawing from being held or hugged in public by me.

Well school had a vacation and nonsu and i’s love got crazy he kinda changed didn’t really want me visiting and when I did always made sure I left before a particular time making it sound as if he cared so much bout me, that he didn’t like me going about late bullshit the guy was up to no good and something told me he had a girlfriend but since I hadn’t caught him I ignored the warning signs.

During one of my visits I had unprotected sex with nonsu out of curiosity, it was a bit messy the guy couldn’t even hold it up in there for more than a few seconds pls note seconds not minutes oh! Anyway 3weeks after this, my menses refused to come oh! Like joke like joke I knew something was wrong cause I had never missed one or been late a day before but I observed it for another week or so and poked at my inside like I had lost or hidden something in there and wanting to get it out desperately nothing oh no red at all all white clear the obvious had happened I was pregnant and I didn’t have a clue what to do. I had started having morning sickness and was going bunkers. I called my sister up and told her what had happened she immediately asked me to come see her my father would have killed me if he found out!
So I went to see her and she advised me to tell nonsu which I did he was calm bout it and asked how I got into that mess he asked if I was a child he didn’t deny the paternity of the child he just told me calmly we had to get rid of it, he wasn't ready to be a father he said. So I went back and told my sister who asked him to see him, she had met nonsu once and had told me the guy was no good for me but that fell on deaf ears, so nonsu came with his charm and begged my sister to help us out in finding a good abortion clinic to abort the baby, she was very reluctant and even offered to help take care of the baby when it was born WTF? she must have been mad which baby?

Anyway we got the addy, he went to see the doctor and arranged for me to come in, he payed the doctor, well the d-day came and I went in for the abortion he came back after the whole procedure, I was so weak, and dizzy and the pain I felt in my abdomen was unbearable it was a horrible experience that I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy ever I had cotton wool stuffed up my virginal I was in pain and when I say pain pain, and all I wanted to do was sleep but my dear nonsu didn’t want me in his house having the fear that I might give up the ghost in his house so he put me in a taxi and and waved me goodbye, I was even too weak to argue or even cry so I left and that seemed like the end of the relationship oh!

Nonsu stopped calling and he never came to check up on me or even got in touch when I felt much better I decided if mohammed will not go to the mountain then the mountain will go to mohammed that’s to say I was the mountain! So I went to see nonsu who was as cold as ice he didn’t want me around him and practically asked me to leave him alone.

I was so devasted and so not myself the thot of suicide kept cropping up my mind everynow and then, not once or twice, how stupid I was suffering from the guilt of the abortion and the fact that nonsu had let me down, I was really bitter and kept asking God for forgiveness for taking a life I couldn’t create. Men abortion is death itself the guilt u have can send a woman into a mental institutuion thank God I didn’t end up there!

While waiting for school to resume I needed to keep busy and get a lot of my mind so I spoke to my dad bout getting a summer job he didn’t hestitate thot it was a good idea so he got me a job at his friends law firm and I gladly started the job. The job was quite demanding and I had more to do than I expected however that didn’t get my mind off things as I had expected it would, the truth is pain just doesn’t just go away regardless of how much u stuff your mind with just to get distracted, it still remains there and comes to hunt you once you’re alone in your own dark room of conscience. Sometimes at work I got lost in my thots and on several occasions I had to be tapped back by someone into reality, several times a tear would drop from my eyes without even an effort from me I was truly depressed and then and then i spoke to God to redeem my lost soul and heal me I realised only he could, I decided I wasn't getting into any relationship again for me men were junk, I made lots of resolutions but I knew I was kidding myself.

Anyway my computer at work crashed and the IT guy had to come and have a look at it, he did come and i noticed he was tall, cute, shy guy he was kinda of timid but who cared anyway he came around and said twenty thousand jargon's bout the PC like I had the faintest idea what he was talking bout but I liked the fact that he thot I was that brainy! He was quite friendly and never really looked at me just asked for my name and he said he was Donald he was from nonsu’s town that sent me bunkers but I maintained my cool, he eventually found what was wrong with the PC and while he was explaining the problem I started weeping uncontrollably Donald stopped what he was doing put a hand round my shoulders and just shhsssed me like a child that was comforting, after I had stopped wailing he said I could talk to him if I wanted to and thot I should take a break from my desk before I got everyone coming to ask what the problem was. I took the advise but didn’t talk to him told him I would be alrite and that was the last I saw of Donald for that week.

I ran into him 3weeks later and he was kinda shy asked if I was ok and that’s how we became friends exchanged nos and emphasised that he kept in touch I needed a friend, and that was the truth I hadn' t gotten over nonsu and the abortion thing but I guess I needed a distraction not a rebound somehow I felt Donald didn’t deserve that so I wasn’t going to toy with his emotions. Anyway we got quite close and he was extremely nice and a wonderful man he proved himself to be humble God fearing etc he reminded me a lot off Duro and I felt maybe God was giving me a second chance to make things right. So I let my guards down and let Donald into my world told him very little bout me and my gracious past didn’t want to scare him away. Got to know his place, he didn’t try any hanky panky he was really a God sent, we went for fellowship meetings together. Guys I worked with started teasing Donald and I asking what was going on. Couldn’t blame them we had lunch at the cafeteria together so why wont awon amebos ask questions?

After bout two months Donald and i started dating and we both agreed not to get physical until much later after marriage we reckoned!(u’re rite) school resumed and for some reasons I had butterflies in my tummy hadnt heard from nonsu and I felt I had gotten over him somehow. So I went to school with the mindset to make my relationship with Donald work, I didn’t see nonsu for the first 3weeks and was glad.

However a friend of mine had a get together and I knew I dressed to kill and impress giving the “ I have moved on, am ok kind of attitude” I had lots of compliments for the night and I was having a swell time when nonsu walked in with his crew fellas my heart skipped for a sec then another sec then another, I became nervous my hands were shaking, I started talking to myself to get my act together.

Nonsu walked up to me and commented on my outfit and how nice I was looking, he kept emphasising on the fact that I had grown bigger blah blah blah see this mad man coming on to me after all I had been through, he said he had been trying to contact me that he needed to talk to me about a whole of things, I just stood there speechless and all I wanted to do was kill him how I hated his sight but the truth is I still kind of cared bout him. But I couldn’t betray Donald not now not ever at least that was my intention.

I made up my mind to discuss what had happened with Donald with the hope that, it would stop me from misbehaving he said he had nothing to fear that he knew I was smart and strong enough to do the right thing but if he only knew how my heart skipped when this mad irobo man walked in when I saw him, Donald would have been less trusting of me. After the discussion with Donald I made up my mind to get nonsu as far away from me as possible.

Nonsu came to look for me and caught me in an awkward position I had just finished my afternoon devotion and was in a sober mood so when he walked in I was caught unawares, I asked him to leave but he said he had come to apologise I knew I should have driven him out but I didn’t I wanted to hear what he had to say even though I knew it was going to be deception this guy just wanted a piece of me again cause for some reasons he found me more attractive. He started his lyrics and told me how sorry he was and how he never meant to hurt me blah blah and how he felt we should get back together, he already knew about Donald and felt i could date the both of them and that we should make our relationship secret, he just went on and on with all the demonic lies, I cut him short and talked bout God, my salvation, and how my relationship with Donald had changed me and how I would rather die than cheat on him while I was talking I got emotional and started crying God knows why? I was hurting and pained I still liked this evil guy before I could say another word nonsu came round to where I was and kissed me, I found myself respond back, then within a minute i pulled back then gave in again before I could catch my breathe his hands were all over me caressing me and for a split second all I wanted was to have him inside of me, yep right inside I was weak no doubt, he was going for my undies when a sudden rush of guilt came over me and I had no choice but to push him off and walked him right out he wasn’t going to destroy me I said to myself but what had I done I couldn’t think straight, tears started dripping down my eyes, why was i so weak?what was wrong with me? what kind of hold did this guy have on me? was i in love with him or in lust? all the questions kept coming and in the midst of all these i felt guilt, had i betrayed Donald? had i betrayed someone i cared bout again? but i didnt sleep with Nonsu? i kept drilling myself with questions untill i could no more what was i going to do? will donald find out and leave me? i was in a dilemna and for the first time in my life i knew i had a problem, a problem only i had to deal with the word faithfulness and loyality were just not in my dictionary, i didnt have control over my emotions, sexual urges and lacked self discipline and maybe a self worth, i was crusifying myself when i noticed a wetness underneath me i stood up to check it was red, it was blood with clots where was this coming from? before i could figure it out i blacked out..................................tbc!