lets be blameless!

I feel for you i wish i could change the way they look at you or blame you for their own problems the belief is your sins are rubbing off on us,could this be true mama?

They all say one thing you 'deserve better' but yet they are all so angry at you, they blame their misfortune on you.

They blame you for them having a bad life, a bad start, a bad education, a bad career and above all a bad marriage. They blame you for their mistakes.

They blame you for not being there when you should have been, when you could have pushed them a little to make a success out of their lives and for those that seem to be making a success out of their lives they wonder if they could have gotten this far if you had been there?

so much anger from them all.

Each making resolutions to make things right with their own children and not following your path yet they blame you for causing enmity between us your children,

They blame you for not begging God for your sins so that he can have Mercy on us, they blame you for living a reckless life that seems to be affecting us so bad now, they ask why you didn't stay with papa? why did you sin with another? why they all have different fathers?

onetime one of them said you said you didn't realise you had committed any sin, you didn't see anything wrong in all that you had done.

If only they could see you suffering from sleepless nights, your constant nightmares are as a result of your past in form of demons isn't that torture enough?

If only they could see the tears dripping from your eyes when i come to you in pain complaining about my turmoil in marriage and how you lament to me 'you wish you hadn't committed adultery or taken another woman's man, and how you realise how wrong you were now that you see it happening to me' isn't that torture enough?

MAMA why did you live your life like that? didn't you think it will affect us sooner or later? so many curses here and there so many killings so many sins, now we all blame you for being so ruthless, was it Ur beauty that made you think Nemesis wouldn't catch up with you?

I use to blame you like them but i have come to realise how weak you are and how much you have suffered and how repentant you are, how you so desire to make it right wishing you hadn't lived your life like that but how can i make them see reason with me how can i make them see what i see in you? what you have become, how much you have changed, how can i make them forgive you even when sometimes am mad at you too?

How can i make them realise nature has dealt with you badly and their UN-forgiveness is tearing you apart how can i? they dislike me i can feel it cos they feel you love me more than them but even though it is true you love us all. or don't you?

I warned you not to favour me above any of them but you wouldn't listen, you never failed to say i was the 'apple of your eyes' right to their faces!

They all blame you for being arm robbers, prostitutes, murders, prisoners, failures,drug addicts , wife beaters, womanisers, liars, adulterers,they blame you for their situations, they blame you for failing them they blame you for everything that went wrong with their lives.

Each one is reminded of .............................

the past and how u cursed them, calling them names, belittling them,criticising them and compared one child with the other,( in all of these you felt you meant well) how they tried to make things right with you, how they craved for your acceptance but got none, now it seems like you are at their mercy now that you are old and gray i feel so sorry for you cos honestly you deserve more than this.

my rationale............

you have suffered enough now is time for you to rest not to war but what can i do absolutely nothing than to pray that God gives you his peace and lets you live you the remaining part of your life on earth with happy memories.

After all we should all take responsibilities for choosing to live our lives the way it has turned out and not blame mama, we weren't forced to choose such a life but then again i know where they are all coming from they all just want to be blameless Mama they just all want to be blameless!